


Something to Remember

by Lola1b



Series: In Your Arms [4]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, Hand Jobs, Happy, M/M, Post Civil War, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 17:05:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7323589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lola1b/pseuds/Lola1b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The horrible memories never really went away. Bucky just wanted to even the playing field by making a few new good ones. And Steve being noble and "careful" about their relationship was beyond irritating. It was time Bucky took the situation into his own hands.</p>
<p>Post Civil War and all related fallout. </p>
<p>Part of series but also stand-alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something to Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is part of a series, it will reference other fics (mostly Happiest Place on Earth) but they're not necessary to read. Though, if you'd like, you can of course read them! Especially the one mentioned, as it ties more directly to this fic.
> 
> Please enjoy and leave a kudos or comment if you liked it :)

 

Movie night. It was a tradition now. Among the tests, the questions, the worry, there was the simplicity of the movie night.

After they confessed to each other in Disney, things were awkward, even during this sacred time of the week. Without the magic of that place, the weightless feeling of being free and happy, and with all the Avengers about them again, it was hard to regain that simple connection they had. Reaching out to grab Steve's fingers felt foreign. Wanting to fall into his arms felt dangerous. Steve felt it, too. He sat still, with the bowl of popcorn between them, on the wide couch. Until one day, a couple of weeks after Disney, they somehow fell back into it again. It might have been because Banner ran off again, and the soothing doctoral voice he used couldn't be there for the friendly conversation Bucky depended on when Steve wasn't around. Maybe it was because Vision and Wanda had been spending more time together, disappearing off somewhere. It might have been because Tony was there only a few times a week, spending the rest of his time with Pepper – they've gotten back together, which was good, Steve told him. Even though Bucky didn't get along with Tony, his presence was overwhelming in a good way; there was no time to sit and agonize over the future when there was Tony to argue with. Now that life had settled into some sort of normalcy, and Bucky was no longer Threat #1, things began to settle. And Bucky was lonely. He couldn't go with Steve on his missions. He wasn't ready to be out in the field, he was told. He read nearly every book in the Avengers compound – except the thick science textbooks the two resident scientists kept about. But after he finished each one, the connection he held to the characters and places, the heart-ache of their heart-ache, it all faded away and he was alone again.

Bucky decided, about a week after this deep loneliness, that he wasn't going to waste the three or so hours the two of them were alone. Even if Steve tried to make it as difficult on him as possible. He wanted to take things slow, which was fine and all, except that Bucky was aching for a connection.

So when Steve did his usual distant yet here routine, sitting on the far end of the couch and placing the bowl of popcorn between them, Bucky moved so that he was closer, and ate all of the popcorn quicker so the bowl would be discarded on the floor. And slowly, in the privacy of the large living room and the still quiet of the night, Bucky managed to recapture some of Disney's magic. The movie was forgotten before the halfway mark and they sat on the couch kissing, passionately and with wandering hands.

It would have been a nice memory had Natasha not walked in right there, telling Steve there was an emergency mission he had to leave for with her. Her voice barely wavered when her eyes moved from the phone in her hand to the two super soldiers making out on the couch. The only inclination that she saw the sight before her – which she couldn't possibly miss – was the microscopic shift in her expression, and the slow smile that followed after.

And just like that, Steve was gone, and Bucky was watching the climactic scene of the movie alone, not knowing who the hero was or why he should care that he succeeds.

He just didn't know how to ask. When it was just the two of them on the couch, he didn't have to. He knew what he wanted, contrary to what Steve believed, but saying it out loud just felt impossible. His mouth went dry every time he thought he might be able to ask, and his feet felt like a bag of bricks whenever he thought of simply getting up and coming to Steve's door. No, he couldn't just say it. Love was one thing. You could love your mother, or your brother, or even a close friend. You could kiss a friend on the cheek like the girls do, when it came down to it. But _this_ was different. Even with all the news he saw online about how times had changed, even with all the winks Natasha threw his way followed by choice words, he didn't know how to ask. He needed an excuse.

And movie night seemed like the best bet. Except he needed a door Natasha, or the other Avengers, wouldn't burst through at the wrong time. Bucky was more careful this time. Crafty, even. Whenever Sam was around, Bucky had asked him to teach him how to use all the entertainment devices. Sam quirked a brow at it first and asked if he was trying to take some control back in the relationship. Bucky had glared at him until Sam started to laugh.

“Just kidding, man. Yeah, I'll show you,” he had said before explaining how computers worked, how the xbox worked, and how to get to Netflix on both. Once he knew how the devices worked, it was easy enough to sabotage them.

“I don't understand why it's not working,” Steve said, his hands coming up and shaking in the air as he glared down at the electronics in front of him. “It's plugged in,” he said, listing off the instructions he was taught a while ago as he touched the wires again. “It's turned on,” he continued, coming up to the front of the TV to press the on button again. _No Connection_ flashed blue on the screen, just as it did when Steve first turned the TV on. He pressed the xbox _on_ button again, the sound it made loud in the tense silence. Bucky was waiting for the right moment to say it. If he suggested too quickly, Steve would catch on. If he waited too long, Steve might get too frustrated to agree and call it a night instead. Steve tried the remote again. When nothing happened, he set it down a little harder than necessary and spread out his arms. “I give up!”  
Bucky smiled slowly and stood. “Well, if it's not working here, maybe we can try somewhere else,” Bucky said, his voice slow and low and smooth. He was putting on his best smolder, tilting his head back a little to expose his neck. Steve glanced at him and looked right back at the TV.

“Well, there's a few DVDs. The player still works. Just the other thing doesn't.”

Bucky set his jaw. “Nah, I've seem them all already.”

“Then I'll call Tony,” Steve said, fishing in his pocket for his phone. Bucky pressed his lips closely together and grabbed Steve's arm to stop him.

“Hey,” he said, looking up into Steve's eyes. He wanted to grab him and kiss him right now. “Don't bother him. Sam showed me how to get movies on the computer in my room. We can hook it up to my TV.” He pointed his thumb towards the door. Steve stared at him for a moment, his eyes flickering from Bucky's face to look lower, before they came back up to meet his gaze.

Steve took a deep breath. “Okay.”

 

* * *

 

Bucky contemplated the lock. It's been a while since his room had one that locked on the _inside._ But there was a risk Steve would notice and Bucky had to be careful, had to ease him into this, had to make him want it so bad he wouldn't care about the consequences.

There wasn't anywhere else to sit but on the bed. Steve made himself comfortable with a pillow against the headboard. Bucky settled on the other side of the large bed. The popcorn was a little cold, but it was in its usual place, between the two of them. Bucky picked it up and propped it up on his belly. Then he set it aside on the bedside table. The awkwardness was gone. The security of the closed bedroom door lifted the worry right out of Bucky's nervous heart. He moved over and, without even looking at Steve, wrapped his arms around his middle. He felt Steve tense for a moment before his arms settled around him.

“We gonna talk about this or not?” Bucky mumbled, his eyes staring at the TV to which they've hooked up the laptop, but not processing any of the images he saw. Steve sighed under him.

“We can talk. That why you dragged me over here?”

Bucky let out an amused breath and looked up at Steve.

“Nah. Just thought it was gonna come the moment I felt you tense like that.”

They watched each other for a moment before Bucky leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Steve's cheek.

“I told you,” Steve said gently. “I think we have to be careful with this.”

“Yeah? You still kiss me and hold me when no one's around. You're just saying that to save face, but you know you want me.”

Steve sighed and closed his eyes. Bucky pressed himself closer to him. He could feel Steve's body temperature rising.

“We just have to take it slow, is all.”

“I know what I want,” Bucky said, slowly pushing himself on top of Steve. Bucky had to admit he had reservations, too, after everything Steve said in that Cinderella Suite. Sometimes he woke up and he wasn't sure where he was or who he was. But in this moment, he was sure of this.

“I know you think you do.”

“Stop that,” Bucky said, his brows furrowing. His arms braced themselves on either side of Steve, his chest and belly connecting with Steve's body. Steve was just lying there, his hands still gently holding his back.

“Okay. But you have to admit I'm at least partially right.”

“Fine. Sometimes, for a brief moment when I wake up, I don't remember right away. But everything, from the moment I become aware that I am alive, everything makes me think of you. I think I'll remember Disney forever. I think,” he paused and lowered himself so his face was pressed against Steve's neck. Steve tightened his grip on him. “I want something to hold onto. And everything that has you in it just sticks in my mind longer. So yeah, be careful all you want. But I think this is a great idea.”

Steve's even breathing was soothing to Bucky's racing heart. He felt for the even heartbeat under his fingertips. It quickened a little under his fingers, and Bucky smiled.

“Once you're better, it will be different.”

“What if I don't get better,” Bucky mumbled.

“I'll still love you,” Steve answered. “It might not be the same way. But I'll always be here for you.”

“I just want to be with you, Steve. For the rest of our lives. And not just sitting by you, watching TV and then seeing you off for some mission where you could die. I want a life with you.” His cheeks burned. He had the brief flash of a mother and a father, and a wonder struck him; would they have been disappointed? Or did they love Steve as much as he did, even then, even when they were nothing more than best pals wandering the streets of Brooklyn?

Steve pressed his chin into Bucky's hair. “A life, huh? We'll get there. You're not a prisoner anymore. We can find a way for you to help. A consultant, maybe. You can gain back their trust.”

Bucky raised his head to look at Steve. He was smiling at him. Bucky stared at his face for a long moment. It was perfect in every way. It was a face he'd never forget. Hydra could scramble his brain as much as they'd like. But he'd always come back to this memory.

He ran his fingers lightly over Steve's cheekbone, over his strong jaw, over the dark pink lips that were too pretty too be on a man. He couldn't help how his face stretched into a grin, how his eyes filled with the wonder that was Steve Rogers.

“It's kinda early, don't you think?”

Steve glanced over at the clock. “It's only eight o'clock.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I meant this. We practically pledged ourselves to each other. That's a big step for two people who haven't even slept together.”

The uncomfortable, bashful look Steve gave him before he scrambled to sit up was so endearingly hilarious that Bucky couldn't help laughing.

“Oh, you wanna laugh at me now?”

Bucky pressed his forehead to Steve's chest, the chuckles still shaking him.

“Ladies' man, thinks he knows everything,” Steve mumbled, pressing Bucky closer as his laughter died down.

Bucky hummed contently and pressed his lips to Steve's neck. He squirmed away at first, but stayed put when Bucky reached around to hold his neck with his hand.

“ _Oh_ ,” Steve breathed out, “that's why you lured me here.”

Bucky smirked into Steve's skin. Steve grabbed him tightly and flipped them over until he was on top of Bucky. He reached up to hold Bucky's head and hovered his lips right above Bucky's.

“Did you break Tony's xbox?”

Bucky smiled. “Nah. Switched the HDMI cables. It's a mess back there, I don't blame you for not noticing.”

Steve grinned at him. “Crafty.”

“Mm-hm,” Bucky agreed before he jerked up, catching Steve's lips. Steve kissed him back eagerly, twisting his fingers into Bucky's thick hair. The fingertips against his scalp felt so good, but he knew Steve would try to back out the moment he tried anything more intense if he didn't trap him well. So he grabbed Steve by the sides, pressed his hips up against his, and flipped them over again. Steve let him, falling back into the soft mattress.

“Am I where you want me?”

“Maybe. Are you going to stay where I want you to?”

Steve blinked and began to rise to his elbows, his mouth opening to say something. Bucky pushed him back down.

“Oh, seems like I'll have to restrain you after all,” Bucky said, his voice low and husky. He felt too hot for his clothes already. Steve's skin was hot to the touch, too. A bead of sweat rolled down Steve's forehead.

“Bucky...” Steve tried, his pleading tone complemented by the puppy-dog eyes no one had yet been able to resist. But Bucky wasn't going to surrender that easily. He tore his gaze away and pressed his lips to Steve's neck again. Steve's breath hitched. Bucky found a weak spot, it seemed, and he smiled. He mouthed over the flesh of Steve's neck as his hands grabbed at Steve's, pulling them up and over his head on the pillow. He could push him away if he wanted to. Bucky's fake arm was much weaker than his Hydra issued one. But Steve merely tugged lightly at Bucky's grip before relaxing in it. He tilted his head away, giving Bucky more space to kiss and lick at his throat. A low moan fell out of Steve's parted lips.

Bucky pressed his lips against Steve's ear, his hot breath washing over the reddened flesh.

“You still wanna be careful?”

Steve answered with another low moan, quieter than the first, but still audible.

Bucky swung his leg over to slip it between Steve's thighs. He pressed down, letting most of his body fall heavily on Steve.

“Wait, wait,” Steve pleaded in a whisper. Bucky stopped and looked at Steve's flushed face. His eyes were closed and they opened slowly. His pupils were blown wide, darkening the blue that was as constant to Bucky as the sky.

“You sure you want me to wait?” Bucky asked, pressing a little more into Steve. He could feel the hardness between Steve's legs.

Steve sighed. “You're horrible. This was a horrible trap,” Steve accused. Bucky smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Steve's lower lip.

“You sure it's horrible?”

Steve broke free of Bucky's grip and grabbed him and rolled over until he was on top of him again. Bucky worried he'd get off and try to have “a talk” about this. But instead he let his body fall on Bucky and kissed him. Bucky moaned loudly into his mouth, feeling the weight of Steve's body against him. He spread his legs and put his feet firmly on the mattress, letting Steve sink further against him and giving him the leverage to press up.

“I love you,” Bucky said. He said it again, unable to stop himself as Steve's fingers ran over his side, through his hair, and his lips pressed against his cheek, jaw, forehead. Bucky couldn't stop pressing into him and pulling him down more, crushing Steve against him.

“I know, I know,” Steve chanted back, pressing his palms to Bucky's face, holding him firmly as he pressed chaste little kisses to his lips.

Bucky's prosthetic arm hooked around Steve's neck to hold him in place. His other arm carefully slid around to Steve's side to gently paw at the white t-shirt he was wearing. Bucky pressed Steve closer and deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue into Steve's mouth and grinding his hip up into him. He groaned into Steve's mouth loudly and unashamed, hearing every now and then the soft groans and low moans coming from Steve. His hand managed to pull the shirt up a little and slide under it to feel the flesh of Steve's sides. He ran his fingers up to Steve's back, feeling the strong muscles flex as Steve suddenly let go of Bucky's face and reached down to pull up Bucky's leg up to his hip. The new angle brought them closer and they both let out hungry groans.

Bucky grabbed the shirt at the top of Steve's back and pulled it clumsily. Steve sat up for a moment to pull it off and leaned back down, his hand reaching out for Bucky's leg again, bringing it closer and tighter against him.

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut. The hot, slippery flesh of Steve's strong back under his fingers, combined with the feel of him between his legs, was setting his nerves aflame. He arched his back, his mouth hanging open in breathless gasps.

“Wait,” he called from between gasps, grabbing Steve's shoulders with both hands to hold him still. Steve held himself up with both hands on either side of him, staring down at Bucky.

“You want to stop?” Steve asked hesitantly.

Bucky took a few long breaths. “No, hell no.” He smiled and ran his hand down Steve's chest. “I just needed to step back a moment.” He wasn't even embarrassed. It's been a long time, after all, and Steve had this stupid proud smirk on his face. Bucky grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down for a kiss. “C'mere. In a minute, you'll be needing to step back.”

“I think the time for stepping away passed about a shirt ago,” Steve joked. Bucky reached out to pull him down for another kiss but Steve stopped him, pulling his prosthetic arm off his neck. “But –“

“Oh, God,” Bucky groaned, grabbing at his own forehead. “You're not gonna talk about it _now_ , are you? Cause I've got you exactly where I want you and if you try to talk right now, I'll have to push you away to keep my sanity.”

“Relax,” Steve said. His smile faltered for a moment. “It's just that we're moving a little fast.”

Bucky quirked a brow. “Fast? You really haven't been out much, have you?” Bucky's eyes went wide. “Wait. I wasn't the second person you kissed since 1945, was I? Sharon was first, but God was that kiss awkward as hell.”

Steve's forehead wrinkled and he scowled down at Bucky. “That was definitely not my first kiss from 1945, and this time, I have proof. Just ask Natasha.”  
Bucky quirked another brow. Steve sighed.

“I just wanna slow it down a bit. Not for you, for me,” he explained. “I haven't really... this is new to me.”

Bucky's eyes widened again and a slow, fond smile spread over his face. “Captain America, great hero of two different times. Can't tell me he couldn't get a date. Unless,” he pulled Steve towards him, “he was saving himself for someone.” He pressed his lips to Steve's cheek, then to his ear, then trailed them down to his neck again.

“Just because some of us sleep with every moving thing in a skirt, doesn't mean the rest of us are that eager.”

Bucky laughed, grabbed Steve with both arms around the neck to bring him down on him again, and bucked his hips up hard against Steve's.

“And you're not eager _now_?”

Steve groaned and pressed his face into Bucky's shoulder. “Didn't say that.”

“Good,” Bucky said before he brought his hand down to Steve's pants. He didn't give Steve much of a chance to process what he was doing before he dipped his fingers under Steve's waistband. He pressed his fingers against the fabric of Steve's underwear, palming at him gently. He waited for Steve to tell him to stop, or to slow down, or something else irritating. But Steve was panting into his shoulder, seemingly unable to speak anymore. Bucky rubbed at Steve's erection through the underwear for a moment before he pulled them back to slide his hand in. Steve groaned loudly in his ear and twisted his fingers into Bucky's hair, pulling him roughly into a kiss. They kissed for a moment while Bucky stroked him until Steve began pulling at Bucky's sweats. Bucky retracted his hand quickly and pushed his pants off.

“Talking about being eager,” Steve mumbled into Bucky's hair once the pants were kicked down to Bucky's knees.

“Well I've been waiting a long time, after all,” Bucky answered.

They wrapped their hands around each other again, both looking down. Their labored breaths mingled hot on each other's cheeks.

Steve came first. He buried his face in Bucky's shoulder and moaned loudly into his flesh. Bucky was disappointed that wonderful sound came out so muffled. But it was still enough to push him over the edge. He groaned out loud, pulling Steve in closer in the aftershock of his orgasm.

They lied together on top of the bed for a long time. Eventually Bucky's lack of pants and Steve's lack of shirt chilled them enough that they climbed under the covers. It was nine o'clock. Bucky worried Steve might leave him and that distant awkwardness would return. But Steve stayed. He didn't even suggest they got dressed. Bucky's sweats were lost somewhere among the bed sheets. Probably somewhere along with Steve's lost shirt.

“That was nice,” Bucky said. He pressed his cheek to Steve's chest, listening to his powerful, even heartbeat.

“Yeah.”

“It's something I'll definitely remember.”

Steve laughed. “I hope so.”

“See, there's just so much crap in my head. It's nice to have something good floating around in it, too.”

Bucky felt Steve press a kiss to his hair.

“And it's a bonus that you're no longer a virgin,” Bucky teased.

“I wasn't –“

“Don't tell me,” Bucky stopped him, whipping his head around to look at Steve. “I'll kill 'em.”

Steve grinned and leaned down to kiss Bucky.

“Besides, we didn't technically have sex,” Steve said.

“Yeah? And what do you know about sex?”

“Well,” Steve fumbled for the right words, his fingers coming up to play with Bucky's as they rested on his chest. “I just don't know if that counts. It's easier when it's a man and a woman, I guess.”

Bucky grinned and wrapped his arms tighter around him. “Sweetheart, everything between us counts. But hey, if you're ever _curious_ , I don't mind –“

“No,” Steve said, but he was grinning again. “You don't understand the concept of _slow_ , do you?”

Bucky laughed and pressed closer to Steve. “Apparently not.”

 

* * *

 

Sam knocked on Steve's door. It was ten in the morning. They typically went for a run together around 6:30, then joined the rest of the Avengers for breakfast at 8. Or 9, if it was a late night. He assumed Steve was tired from the latest mission or something when he didn't show up for the run and told the others to wait off on breakfast for a little while. But this was getting ridiculous. Clint made a stack of pancakes and they were going to get cold.

He knocked again, more demanding. Still nothing. Well, he might as well check to see if Barnes was awake. The guy must like pancakes, too.

He knocked on the door and there was a muffled answer from inside.

“Pancakes!”

The muffled response didn't sound like an acknowledgment of what he said, so he opened the door and said it again, loudly. “Paan-caakes.” He paused. Steve was squinting up at him from under the blankets. “Man, I'm outta it today. Thought this was Barnes' room.”

Bucky emerged from the blankets on Steve's side. “What?” he asked, rubbing his eyes. The two super soldiers glanced at each other for a moment, sudden fear feeling their eyes. Steve looked at Sam, his mouth gaping open, like he was looking for some excuse. Bucky just kept rubbing at his sleep-crusted eyes. Sam took a deep breath and rolled his eyes.

“Pancakes, guys. Clint made like a giant stack. It's kinda impressive. Come see before they're all gone.”

With that he closed the door. He stood by it for a moment, listening to the relived laughs from inside the room. He smiled and shook his head. Tony owed him twenty bucks.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Constructive criticism welcome, and all comments and kudos welcome!


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